THE CRACKED CITY DOLLAR REVIEW – IN WHICH I HUNT, GATHER AND TEST THE DOLLAR LOLLY MIXES OF CRACKED CITY DAIRIES, SUBURB BY SUBURB, SO THAT YOU ARE ABLE TO ENJOY MORE FOAMY JELLIES IN YOUR LIFE, AND KEEP THOSE PROBLEMATIC AF FOAM BANANAS TO A MINIMUM*.
For each DOLLAR REVIEW, I will gather $1 mixes from five dairies in a suburb and evaluate based on quality, quantity, freshness, packaging, variety and overall VIBE.
*PERSONAL OPINION ONLY. IF YOU HAPPEN TO PREFER THESE THE OTHER WAY ROUND. LET’S BE FRIENDS AS IT WILL WORK OUT WELL FOR THE BOTH OF US.
DOLLAR REVIEW – ROUND 2: RICHMOND
Welcome to the second installment of the DOLLAR REVIEWS. After our EDGEWARE round, last month, I decided to keep the next review within the geographic vicinity (okay, fine, I was doing some laundry and had 25 mins to kill), and roll on over to the adjoining RICHMOND for this second turn. As it turns out Richmond has a lot of dairies within two blocks of each other, on this Eastern end of Stanmore Road – so it’s mainly a review of Dollar Mixes around New World. A local ICON in its own right, I think you’ll agree.
The five dairies up for the challenge today are:
1. Stanmore Road Dairy – Stanmore Road
2. Richmond Dairy – Stanmore Road
3. Richmond Convenience Store – Stanmore Road
4. Convenience Plus – Stanmore Road
5. JB’s Discounter – Hills Road
1. STANMORE ROAD DAIRY
Firstly, this mix came in a little plastic bag, neatly hung up on display racks, sorted by mix variety. Whilst I appreciate the time, care and effort that has gone into that, this act has made it darn near impossible for a RANDOM CHOICE of mix to occur. I tried my best to just grab ‘whatever’, but oh boy you know I was swayed by this bag with its Crown Jewels that are Jersey Caramels. Jersey Caramels are like Liquorice Allsorts for those who hate liquorice but want to feel all sophisticated with their striped classic treats.
So I gotta disclaim that this was not an entirely random selection.
However that doesn’t mean it was love at first sight. This mix seemed a little too clinical, too small, for my tastes. Just ten lollies. Two of everything. Laid out neatly in a plastic bag. Where’s the adventure? Romance? Thrill? Mystery? Whimsy?
It was such a safe bet.
However once I lay this lil buddy out, I realised what I had here was an All-Stars series of dollar mix. Perfect, fresh, pairs of classics. It’s about quality not quantity, isn’t it?
In fact, this bag was so perfect and delectable, I accidentally scoffed 80% of the contents when I was only meant to be tasting a couple of items.
This classic, classy, calculated mix is the Judi Dench of dollar mixes. Small, reliable, packs quite the punch, mouth watering, high quality but still very safe to bring out in front of the family at Christmas.
I will have to deduct a point for the plastic bag, cos yea environment and dolphin welfare, as well as the lack of dollar mix mystery and whimsy. However I’m probably very wrong in doing so. I mean, it’s a bit like voluntarily choosing to go on a dud blind date when you have the option of going dancing with Jeff Goldblum right in front of you. UTTER MADNESS.
RATING: 4 out of 5
2. RICHMOND DAIRY
Six. SIX lollies?! SIX! FOR A DOLLAR. SIX!?!?!?
I don’t like blue lollies.
I don’t like foam bananas.
I don’t like that these lollies cost 16.6 cents each.
RATING: 1 out of 5
3. RICHMOND CONVENIENCE STORE
This is a rather iffy looking establishment. It is opposite the laundrette and sells washing power by the scoop, even though the other dairy next to the laundrette is the Official Stanmore Road Laundrette Dairy that sells the top ups for the laundrette cards as well as powder (let me tell you one day about the utter joy and convenience of a laundrette).
Despite the rather beaten up appearance (why is everything from this bag so dented and bent?) the contents aren’t too shabby at all. I really like those bones. They were pretty good in that tasteless gummy kind of way.
However I just had one of the cola bottles and it tasted like cigarettes. A real gnarly nicotine kinda taste. Like I just smoked a couple on a cold winters night outside a Sports Bar. But I don’t know if that’s the fault of the dairy or just my rapidly ageing tastebuds rejecting the sweet taste of youth.
The mix isn’t BAD but if I were a kid and I’d just spent my weekend pocket money on this bag, I’d be pretty disillusioned about the world and my general future prospects, y’know?
RATING: 3 out of 5
4. CONVENIENCE PLUS
Okay well I won’t be whinging about quantity here cos 13 is a good number, and with one of those being a proper lollipop, that’s a long lasting mix right there. That lollipop might see you all the way to Hornby on the bus.
But. As we are learning, friends. Quantity isn’t everything…
…This is a dusty old mix, pals.
The pineapple lumps were too soft and foamy. That red sherbet thing was a bit crusty. And you can see from this photo how the strawberry and creams have gone a bit faded and cloudy on top, a sure fire sign that a sweet is past its best.
It’s like I got a dollar mix when I was 19 and left it in a box of burnt CD’s and just found it today, festering away amongst Dave Matthews Band and Romeo and Juliet OST. You’re not gonna bother, are you?
This mix scores adequately because of quantity and the lollipop is a nice touch, however half a point gets deducted for a Space Nipple. We all know how I feel about those bloody Space Nipples.
RATING: 2.5 out of 5
5. JB’S DISCOUNTER
We now veer off the Stanmore Road path, and up to Hills Road to this post EQ dairy (look how sparkly and non-damp it is!).
This mix upon tipping out, was the one that most captured my imagination.
14 Sweets! And a mix of many of my favourites, cos I sure am a fan of those foam gummies and sours, In fact, as far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a dud in this mix (okay, there’s a blue pal but I can palm that off onto someone no problem). These cola bottles didn’t taste like cigarettes, either!
However I wasn’t celebrating quite yet. After all – this Richmond round has proved very challenging on the freshness and flavour front.
Rejoice! This mix was fresh, tasty and the sours really got my tongue-a-tingling.
It’s an all round stellar mix, ticking all the boxes: quality, quantity, freshness AND! It came in a nice crisp paper bag, allowing for the full dollar-mix mystery experience.
Nice work JB’s.
RATING: 5 out of 5
I was quite torn between the classic, calculated perfection of the Stanmore Dairy vs. the somewhat more edgy contemporary mix of JB’s. It’s like being made to choose between the Beatles with Carly Rae Jepsen. How can you even?
However when you stack up quantity, variety and interest levels – and the Spirit of the Dollar Mix – JB’s snags the top spot for the RICHMOND round. Congratulations Carly Rae, you just smashed the Beatles.
FINAL RANKING – RICHMOND :
1st – JB’S DISCOUNTER
2nd – STANMORE ROAD DAIRY
3rd – RICHMOND CONVENIENCE STORE
4th – CONVENIENCE PLUS
5th – RICHMOND DAIRY
If you have a particular suburb you’d like a review of, or have a hot tip of a VERY GREAT or VERY SHIT dairy that I should try, hit me up, baby.
– Bonjela x